When you worry about what other people think of you

One of my members from my Spiritual Alignment Membership program reached out to me the other day asking a question that I know each and every one of us can relate to, and it's likely you're wondering the answer to yourself.

It has to do with caring what others think of us - which, I know, we all like to think that we don't and maybe you even have moments where it truly has no influence on you (symptom of Alignment right there, btw).

Yet I also know that because you're a spiritual being navigating a very HUMAN experience, you also probably find yourself in the experience of caring too much about what others think more than you'd prefer. So I thought I'd share her question and my answer with you, in case it helps you navigate this one better, too:

Her Question:

Hi Nova! Doing some deeper exploring I have noticed that my biggest fears, setbacks, and anxiety come from a fear of what people think of me or what they will think of me. I’m trying to not care but it has been deeply rooted in me. Do you have any good ideas on how to move away from caring so much what others think and just being happy with my own choices?

My Response:

Good for you for doing some deeper exploring around all of this - consciousness is the first step! The second step regarding this particular topic, I would say, is to let it be okay that you care. In other words, rather than trying to achieve the damn near impossible feat of actually not caring what other people think, release a bit of that resistance by letting it be okay that you care - because you care about others and you care about yourself and ultimately want harmony amongst everyone - and you prefer to be liked, accepted and respected. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that!

The actual rub is when we allow what others think of us to dictate how we feel in general, and more importantly how we feel and think about ourselves, not to mention our choices. So that's where the work lies. Not necessarily in taking each instance where we notice that anxiety getting triggered and attempting to unpack it and release that caring or influence right then and there, but rather by building up your relationship with yourself so solidly and strongly that although it may sting when someone doesn't agree with or like you/your choices, it doesn't pull you under or send you on some awful emotional detour.

This focusing on your relationship with yourself will also help the temptation to speculate or spend any time or energy making negative assumptions about what people are thinking of you dissipate, so that you eventually just don't do it very often or at all. I can attest to that one, and let me tell you, it is absofrickinlutely liberating.

So one way to implement this strategy is to...

a) pause when you notice yourself going down that anxiety-ridden rabbit hole of "what will they think of me" and reminding yourself that it's okay to care, but redirect the question to "what do I think of me/my choice/whatever," and

b) work that daily practice of WILAM - or What I Love About Me (from the chapter in my book called "Be Your Own BFF"). Get into the daily practice and rhythm of noticing and writing down all of the things you like, love, enjoy, and appreciate about yourself, as well the things you can acknowledge yourself for doing well or ways in which you show up that you can feel good about.

And, of course, give it time for your vibration around this to catch up with the new story you are telling yourself about it all, being as self-compassionate and loving as you can in the meantime. I hope this helps - and keep me posted on your experience please!

I'd love to know how my answer lands with you, or what your approach to this human experience is. Hit the Comments button and share with me!

And if you find yourself wanting more consistent and conscious support like the above, consider joining my Spiritual Alignment Membership program, where you'll join a community of wonderful people who are all working to live a conscious, Aligned life with more joy, ease, and consistency. We'd love to have you there, too!